remembering...

(written 9/15)

In the week leading up to the anniversary of 9/11, the atmosphere of the city changed dramatically. There was a tinge of sadness, an air of unease, but mostly a sense of unity and strength. Memorials were found on street corners and near police and fire stations, people began donning patriotic colors and pins of the flag, and most apparent of all - people started talking to each other. Strangers in stores started chatting, the food truck vendor asked me how my day was, an older lady seated next to me on the subway struck up a conversation. In a city where people usually keep to themselves, something changed. It was as if we were reminded that we are all in this together.

Our ward boundaries go from Times Square all the way down to the bottom of the island and so there were quite a few people in the ward that were near to the towers on the day of the attack. One man spoke about his experience watching the towers fall from his apartment window, another held a few pieces of charred paper that had blown by later that day. Another spoke of a friend they had lost as she was making her way down the stairs of the first tower.

I think our generation will always have etched in our minds our own personal memories of that day. I happened to be living in the US in 2001, attending school in Virginia. I had just walked into my Japanese class when I noticed the TV was on and someone announced to me that one of the World Trade Center buildings had been hit. I wish I could say that it had this deep impact on me right away, but all I could remember thinking is, "how could a pilot not miss a building?" The strangeness of it all was too overwhelming to recognise that there were people in that plane and people in that building.

It wasn't until they showed the footage of the second plane hitting the second tower that realisation set in. That is was a calculated attack with serious repurcussions. I wish I could accurately describe the feeling that formed in my stomach. I don't know how, but it was as if I knew that at that moment, our lives had been irrevocably changed.

In Virginia I split time between two schools, my public school that I attended from 7:30am-12pm and my performing arts school that went from 1pm-5pm. After the news broke they shut down the center of the city, where my theatre program was located, and cancelled all classes. I remember driving home in a daze, walking into the living room and turning on the TV. They kept showing the same videos and images over and over but I couldn't seem to break away from it. I just kept trying to understand why and how it had happened. Trying to make some sense of it.

Looking back 10 years later it's hard to remember that there was a time when the word terrorism barely registered in that 15 year old brain of mine. That we never needed to swallow our fears as we entered a plane or a subway. But before that moment something like this just seemed unfathomable. As I was watching those repeated images on the news I just kept saying to myself "how could anyone have wanted this to happen?"

Growing up in Asia I had become accustomed to threats. We were used to our car being stopped outside of the school every day while security guards with rifles checked our vehicle. And we were never phased when the fire alarm indicated that we needed to be escorted to the school soccer fields for a few hours because of the latest bomb threat. Instead I saw it as a get-out-of-jail free card for not finishing my homework. Even when the Jakarta riots erupted and we were evacuated out of the country, I felt more confused and afraid that I would not be able to go home again rather than truly fearing for my safety.

To me, that was just living in Asia. Through it all I still felt like we were in this little "expat" bubble that kept us safe. As if we were tourists on a bus snapping photos of the lions behind the glass. We saw that lion up close, but still felt safe from its jaws.

But 9/11 changed that. It made me realise that we were not exempt from the terror. That was a startling and alarming realisation. I think it is safe to say that every one of us changed on that day. Perhaps we became a bit more cautious. Maybe even lost a little of that innocent glow about us. But I think what changed us most was that we realised we were all in this together.

We stood up. We took back. We were remembered just how fiercely we loved our country. And those within it. I think we started hugging each other a little tighter. We called and checked in on our loved ones. We helped out our neighbors. We smiled at strangers. We were, again, united.

And on the 10th anniversary, I saw that again.

Seeing that all around me was great reminder that rather than forgetting, or retaliating, the most important thing we can do after a tragedy like September 11 is make sure that we are a better person - and a better nation - at the end of it.